Our "Mom Moment"

My poor patient that I had today. She was in this morning for an appointment with me. She told me that we should hold off on her xrays today because she could possibly be pregnant. This would be her second child, having a one and a half year old daughter already. I really can't remember how we got on the subject, but I somehow mentioned how I wanted to post something that was on my mind on my blog. I must have mentioned how my daughter was living far away which made me tell her about my walk that I took the other night.
Like many evenings, I set out after dinner for my walk or jog through the park. I find so much peace and solitude in that park. As I looked ahead on the path, my mind went back in time about 19 years. It would have been good if my body felt 19 years younger, but at that moment I just pictured an image of Katelyn on her bike while I was pushing Justin in the stroller. Back then we had a rule- it was "if you can't see me you need to stop". This is where the path enters into the woods. It is one of the spots where Katelyn would wait for us to catch up.
That evening 19 years later, the landscape was unchanged. The sky was as peaceful as usual. There was no sound of the stroller wheels on the gravel or chitter-chatter up ahead. It was quiet, yet I wanted to shout "stop if you can't see me".
Now I wanted to cry, because I miss her so, but I can wait. I know that she's happy and that's what matters the most. Be patient and finish school.
Next thing I know, there's tears running down my patient's cheek. I hardly know her, yet I guess we shared a "mom moment", no matter how old our daughters are. She was the one who encouraged me to write this tonight.

Lost and Found

Wow, today was one of those days that is really hard to put into words but at the same time I want to be able to write about it. I knew that I needed to get out of bed to prepare food for a memorial service at church, but I wanted to catch the news about that nut from town who kidnapped his wife, held her hostage and ended up burning down their house. Charlie and I had been following it on the scanner the night before. Too fresh in our minds after the murder/suicide just over a week ago of my patent's sister and Willa's friend in Ellington. So, I caught the news, got up, and start my day. The phone rings and it is a happy voice. I wasn't sure though, because lately too often that voice only acted to be happy where in reality it was hurting beyond belief. A friend was going through some very troubling times and I was the only one that she had confided in. Over the past month I felt as though I was carrying around such a heavy load by sharing the disappointments that she experienced and then holding in all of those emotions. We cried together, hashed over details and prayed openly. This morning, those prayers were answered. Her voice was genuinely happy. We both were so thrilled by this new awakening taking place in her life. Thank you Lord for looking out for her. Thank you Lord for the gift of my family.
Back on track- start a couple of loads of wash, bring Maddie to work, make a dozen sandwiches for the reception, curl my hair, get dressed. And I'm off to church by 11:00. The memorial was for Cindy- 37 years old victim to cancer. I don't believe that I ever met her, but I knew so much about her. My friend Carol was her spiritual caregiver. She walked with her through this disease for the past 6 weeks. At first Cindy did not speak about her faith or (oh dear, Beau just fell out of the window-he'll be fine)want to pray together. But little by little Carol and Cindy grew spiritually and peacefully. The depth of this gift that Carol brought to her was beyond words. They were both blessed to have experienced what they did-this awakening. However, through these weeks, Carol now needed someone to walk with her. She was becoming emotionally drained. That is my assignment. Or should I say my blessing- to walk with Carol through so many layers of her life that overlap the "now" with the "then". Events from the past seem to resurface in a way almost to be able to resolve themselves in the present.
So I sat there at her memorial service realizing how much faith and strength this one woman gave to others as she faced this disease. Funny how our lives intertwine with one another. She left behind two young boys for her mother to raise. But, she knew where she was going and by doing so, she left behind those she loved with that same strong belief that she would no longer suffer. And as Carol read in a note to her children- she would be just a whisper away. I can't imagine the emptiness that would have been felt without faith and belief in that wonderful promise given to us by God.
There it is. One life lost, one faith found. One love almost lost, but happily found.
Time for bed and thankfully a peaceful sleep. Goodnight.