Sunday, May 31, 2009

Believe

Today, like many other days, I took a walk in the park. It was different though- one to really remember. Most times I listen to music to keep up the pace, but today I shut it off halfway through, just to think.
Willa had called the other night to tell me that the plaque and bench were installed at the park beside the tree planted in Gary’s memory. I’m so touched that she called to share her joy. Sorry that I wasn’t home when she stopped by to have her show me.

I thought that I had passed by the “Christmas tree” that was recently planted but wasn’t sure if that was “the one”. So, being a beautiful morning after a week of rain, I took my walk. From a distance when I saw the bench and plaque, I knew now that this was Gary’s tree that I had seen before. Now it felt like so much more. It was still a tree, but it became Gary- calling out to come and visit. When I saw the heart-shaped plaque and the bold lettering of the word “Believe” I was overcome with emotion. I couldn’t even stay and sit. I needed to go home and get my camera to share it- just like Willa did with me.

So, I grabbed my camera and started off again. This time I took a shortcut through the woods, not only to save time but mainly to reflect in peace. Here comes those emotions as I feel the tears swelling in my eyes. I remember how very kind and sensitive Gary was. That is rare. I recalled talking with him in the kitchen when he brought over a gift certificate to enjoy an evening out when Charlie was unemployed. He was so in tune to my sadness and frustration. He also made that separate trip over to the house with Bev just hours before Katie flew out to Utah. It’s almost like he knew- like he was saying “put everything down and take time to be together”. I miss that so. I’m sad that he has left a family behind that also misses that kindness.
As tears are running down my cheeks, I see some great wood chips along the path. Actually, they’re really nice wood chips. I could use some of those in my yard. It makes me laugh, because I can hear Gary saying “Hey kid, lighten up. Don’t cry for me. I’m fine. There’s no disease, hatred, injustice, poverty or evil where I am. You kids worry about yourselves. I’m just fine and I’m right here. You just have to believe”. That’s when the plaque that says “Believe” came back to me. As hard as it is to lose a friend, and father/husband to dear people, I do believe that he is in a place free of hardships and yet present in the lives of those left behind. He has left me with the blessings of remembering to put things aside and taking time to listen and be with those I care for. I know that he cared deeply for my children and wanted them to believe in their vision and follow their dreams.
So how long will it be before I lose that lump in my throat as I walk by the tree? Hopefully never, because I want to remember that walk in the park today when I first saw the tree and bench that called out to me saying “come, sit and believe”.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Family

This could be good for me

Yes, I'm thinking that taking the time to make myself sit down and write could be a very healthy and cleansing activity. There sure are many other things that I could think of doing with my time, but I can just say "Katelyn made me do it". For you ,my darling daughter, I will create and hopefully continue to add to this blog. Perhaps, (my Willa word) this will be a good way to clear my head and let my thoughts ramble on through my fingers instead of out of my mouth. Either way, it will still get me in some sort of trouble.
It's Spring!- and I just love the spring. My favorite time of the year. I could however do without the pollen. That green dust that clings to everything. Then comes those seed worms from the oak trees that stick to your feet and roll down the road like tumbleweeds. We're past that stage now and have begun dealing with the webs that come out of nowhere. I can't walk outside without looking like a mime practicing the breaststroke as I pass through the yard. Yuck, where do they come from.

I bet you miss the flowers in the yard. It's so wonderful to see the different flowers taking their turns blooming. First the forsythia- I remember when you'd go to Florida with Bev and family. You would ask if they were blooming at home. I'm sending pictures of the tulips from our yard and also the park. The daffodils were so beautiful this year. There are also pictures of them under the birch trees. Those flowers I planted in the fall of 1986 when I was pregnant with you, Katelyn. They remind me of you every spring. Justin's daffodils are under the other clump of birch . This weekend the rhododendrons are opening up and soon the peonies will bloom.
Oops, I forgot the crocuses. How could I forget them. I remember when you were about 2 years old and I came home from work. I showed you the flowers under the big window and said "Katelyn, you can touch, but please don't pick them". Then the phone rang. So, I left the back door open to answer it. Next thing I knew, Peaches came in the back door with a bird flapping in her mouth followed by you with a handful of crocus flowers. Thank goodness that Peaches heard the fear in my voice, because she turned around and ran back outside. You just stood there dazed with those beautiful flowers in your hands- a Kodak moment that I remember when they bloom each spring.

I miss you so. I know that you had a beautiful spring out there also. I liked the pictures that you took. We had a great time together when I visited and included those pictures too. It will seem strange not going out this summer, but that's alright. We need to do some things here this year. I'm just afraid that soon the time will come when I won't have the ability to take off whenever I want. I have been promised that for each day of work at home we will have one day to play and enjoy ourselves. So, even though we will not be visiting this summer, I will be able to tell you and show you what we've been doing. Because you see-
Everyday is a New Adventure. Always has been and hopefully if we do it right, it always will be.