Believe

Today, like many other days, I took a walk in the park. It was different though- one to really remember. Most times I listen to music to keep up the pace, but today I shut it off halfway through, just to think.
Willa had called the other night to tell me that the plaque and bench were installed at the park beside the tree planted in Gary’s memory. I’m so touched that she called to share her joy. Sorry that I wasn’t home when she stopped by to have her show me.

I thought that I had passed by the “Christmas tree” that was recently planted but wasn’t sure if that was “the one”. So, being a beautiful morning after a week of rain, I took my walk. From a distance when I saw the bench and plaque, I knew now that this was Gary’s tree that I had seen before. Now it felt like so much more. It was still a tree, but it became Gary- calling out to come and visit. When I saw the heart-shaped plaque and the bold lettering of the word “Believe” I was overcome with emotion. I couldn’t even stay and sit. I needed to go home and get my camera to share it- just like Willa did with me.

So, I grabbed my camera and started off again. This time I took a shortcut through the woods, not only to save time but mainly to reflect in peace. Here comes those emotions as I feel the tears swelling in my eyes. I remember how very kind and sensitive Gary was. That is rare. I recalled talking with him in the kitchen when he brought over a gift certificate to enjoy an evening out when Charlie was unemployed. He was so in tune to my sadness and frustration. He also made that separate trip over to the house with Bev just hours before Katie flew out to Utah. It’s almost like he knew- like he was saying “put everything down and take time to be together”. I miss that so. I’m sad that he has left a family behind that also misses that kindness.
As tears are running down my cheeks, I see some great wood chips along the path. Actually, they’re really nice wood chips. I could use some of those in my yard. It makes me laugh, because I can hear Gary saying “Hey kid, lighten up. Don’t cry for me. I’m fine. There’s no disease, hatred, injustice, poverty or evil where I am. You kids worry about yourselves. I’m just fine and I’m right here. You just have to believe”. That’s when the plaque that says “Believe” came back to me. As hard as it is to lose a friend, and father/husband to dear people, I do believe that he is in a place free of hardships and yet present in the lives of those left behind. He has left me with the blessings of remembering to put things aside and taking time to listen and be with those I care for. I know that he cared deeply for my children and wanted them to believe in their vision and follow their dreams.
So how long will it be before I lose that lump in my throat as I walk by the tree? Hopefully never, because I want to remember that walk in the park today when I first saw the tree and bench that called out to me saying “come, sit and believe”.